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  • 9
    Honestly, I've had a bad experience with the last one there. I've even been suspended from chat for flagging something that was eventually deemed acceptable. The fact that I was just trying to help was seemingly lost. Commented Oct 2, 2019 at 12:20
  • 2
    @RobertColumbia Yeah, I had "bad" experience with that too (flag being rejected and no action taken (like editing) because the comment wasn't offensive enough...). But I won't stop doing it. The more people flag one thing as being "not nice", the more likely people are to realize that it is, indeed, "not nice" (or that it could be interpreted this way at least). Commented Oct 2, 2019 at 12:24
  • 9
    Can I add to your second point: don't imply that all of us are "snowflake SJWs" who will scream at you if you get our pronouns wrong even by mistake. Because that's just as annoying, especially when I hear it coming from the same people insisting "well not all of us are unwelcoming..." Commented Oct 2, 2019 at 12:27
  • 3
    @F1Krazy I edited to add something about being "oversensitive". I didn't talk about the fact that we won't scream at people misgendering us, though. I don't want other queer people to feel like they don't have the right to be mad about that. I also don't want them to feel like they are being "tone policed". Commented Oct 2, 2019 at 12:42
  • 3
    @Ælis Trans people definitely have the right to be angry about being misgendered, I didn't mean to suggest that they don't. My point is that it's hypocritical for people to assume that all trans people are like that, and then turn around and say how dare we suggest that all SE users are unwelcoming. Commented Oct 2, 2019 at 12:47
  • 1
    @F1Krazy True that x) But I don't think adding this to my post would be really relevant. Feel free to add that as a separate answer though :) Commented Oct 2, 2019 at 12:48
  • 14
    "the right to be angry about being misgendered" Is there such a thing? And is it universal? I get misgendered once in a while even as a comically stereotype white male and I'm certainly annoyed that I have to correct someone the same way I'm annoyed at banner ads or red lights. I assume it's more annoying the more it happens. But I'm not angry. At what point does the right to be angry begin? My personal line would be "when it's intentional, repeatedly and meant to insult", but were should we draw that line? Commented Oct 2, 2019 at 14:39
  • 5
    @nvoigt it's very individual. Some people don't care at all, others are hurt on the first instance, others are hurt when it's repeated, and with a lot of variations between. Commented Oct 2, 2019 at 15:13
  • 2
    When I first looked at your post, I felt a big weight of negativity. But then I saw I could relate to all the fine print you wrote! So, I drafted a more positive version. It wouldn't fit very well in the comments; and since the ideas are all yours, I don't think it would be right to post it in an answer box. So, I am going to very tentatively put it as an update at the bottom of your answer, as a collaborative contribution. But if you feel it doesn't fit well there, please do a rollback. Commented Oct 3, 2019 at 2:46
  • 2
    Regarding use your downvotes, unfortunately, we can't differentiate I upvoted this because I agree with the transphobic message and I upvoted this because I agree with this user taking a stand against a moderator being fired without any communication. I sincerely hope the upvotes on certain posts are because of the latter, and do hope you don't feel like the voting majority is transphobic. If something is purely transphobic with no other message, per your last point, a flag is probably better (but can be accompanied by a downvote of course). Commented Oct 5, 2019 at 16:07
  • 1
    @ErikA Unfortunately, I did feel like the majority didn't care at all about transgender people. In my mind, they wouldn't have upvoted otherwise. They could have done nothing, downvote or left an answer/comment to clearly express their point of view (without having to upvote something transphobic). Commented Oct 5, 2019 at 16:16
  • 6
    Hey folks, I'm trying to not touch the delete button on comments if at all avoidable (have been trying the last few days) but long back-and-forth conversations get really hard to preserve if even one comment steps over into hostile territory (even considering how emotional the conversation is). Deleting 1 or 2 comments basically makes the whole thread incoherent, which results in it all being ultimately removed. If at all possible consider an answer if it looks like a conversation is going down a rabbit hole. Thank you!!! Commented Oct 6, 2019 at 3:17