Reddit user coolhandddd recently asked, "What is a part of the 'female experience' that men have absolutely no clue about, but would be horrified if they found out?" Here's what women and AFAB people shared:
1. "They gave me Tylenol after childbirth. Tylenol. My dad has gotten stronger medicine for back pain, and I received over-the-counter Tylenol after I tore right open after being in labor for two days."
2. The sneeze. It's such a universal fear when you're on your period because you just know exactly what is about to happen, and there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop the aftermath. It's like a tiny internal explosion that you have to walk off while pretending everything is totally fine. Honestly, the level of composure we have to maintain during stuff like that is actually kind of impressive when you think about it."
3. "This is probably more US-centric, but if you're a mom, you are seen as less desirable to hire because it's assumed you'll take lots of time off for your kids and your scheduling will be less flexible. If you're not a mom, you're still less desirable to hire because it's assumed you'll get pregnant and need maternity leave. If you're child-free, it's perceived that you have no life outside of work and should give up your vacations and time off to cover 'people with families.' Until menopause, your worth to a company is measured by your reproductive capacity."
4. "If you have large breasts that don't just stay perky like many people assume, hot summers involve sweat rolling down your abdomen from the underside of your boob."
5. "Clitoral atrophy. I fucking didn't know about it either!!! But now that I'm in the throes of perimenopause, your clitoris can just...shrink up, disappear, leave this mortal realm for parts unknown! And women are just, like, supposed to be okay with that! And most men don't even KNOW (they think perimenopause is all hot flashes and rage, which is still a lot), but imagine their fucking junk just up and DISAPPEARED when they hit like 45ish?!?! Ridiculous!!! And that's a part of the female experience that barely gets talked about."
6. "Dry-pulling out a tampon you overestimated the need for. Ugh."
7. "If you want your tubes tied, they start to talk to you like your husband owns you. Asked for mine, and immediately their tone changed, and they kept saying things like, 'What does your husband think? Wouldn't it be better for him to be with you at this appointment so we could see if he approves? Have you even asked him if he wants this? You need to have some children first. No, you're way too young.' I don't want kids, and I'm in my 30s, and all hormonal birth control messes with my body badly. My husband went in to ask about a vasectomy, and they said, 'Sure, read this leaflet on the risks.' There were no questions about whether his wife would agree to it, or how many kids he has, or his age."
8. "The fact that a small human being inside of you can dig its feet into your bladder and make you piss yourself, and five minutes later, is doing somersaults that you can visibly see from the outside with hands and feet and head rolling all over the place across your belly."
9. "Your UTERUS 'slipping' completely outside of your vagina! Uterine prolapse. My mom had that, and the doctors told her to just 'push it back in.' WTF? They said if it's really 'bothering' her, then she can get surgery to remove her whole uterus. Otherwise, 'deal with it' because it's 'normal' for many women her age. How is this okay? Your whole organ can just fall out and hang outside your body while walking around? Or every time you go to the restroom, you worry that it's gonna fall into the toilet? 😭😭😭"
10. "I've seen it talked about more now than ever in women's circles, but the phases of your cycle and how it affects your daily life. I have one good week a month. Maybe. During ovulation? Cramping, occasional breakouts, and when I was on birth control, there was ovulation bleeding. Then the luteal phase? I can barely look at myself in the mirror. Gross. Everything hurts, joints ache, fatigue, cramp some more, bloated, 'moody.' Then actual hell begins with your period. The follicular phase is the only time I feel truly comfortable. It fucking sucks, honestly."
11. "Lochia! This might horrify some women, too. After birthing a baby, you have a dinner plate-sized wound in your womb and bleed for WEEKS after the placenta detaches. I bled for 12 weeks. The average is six weeks. All while getting no sleep with a newborn and potentially other kids."
12. "The way period cramps can actually radiate down your legs and make your literal knees ache is something I don't think guys will ever get. They think it's just a stomach ache, but it's more like your entire lower half is being put through a manual pasta maker."
13. "Never fully knowing if the men in your life are safe or trustworthy, and the repeated first-hand experience of finding out that they often are not. Feeling dehumanized and reduced to 'just a body,' and all the constant devaluing and scrutiny that comes with it."
14. "Everything gets dismissed, especially if you have children. Tired and overwhelmed due to actual mental health issues? Oh, you have kids, that's just 'normal.' Women are constantly expected to function when we're pushed past our breaking points, and then we're supposed to smile as we do it. Can't be too emotional either, because that's not allowed."
15. "The number of grown-up men that start to actively pursue us from ages 11-12. I don't think the average man understands how prevalent it is. I never understood if it was a meaningful percentage of guys doing it, or an incredibly small percentage that just happened to be very active."
16. "Here's an odd one: power tools. On average, we have smaller hands than men, and most power tools have grips that are sized for large hands. It leads to a poorer, less comfortable grip, muscle fatigue, and poorer, less safe handling."
"Adding to this that most equipment is built like that. Think seat belts, limb braces, specialty pillows, slings, chairs, etc., etc. I have hypermobility, and the struggle is real trying to find something that won't increase my pain because it's built for someone with different dimensions than myself."
17. "Level 4 perineal tear after my second child. They did not catch it at delivery, so I walked around for six weeks, give or take. After that, it could not be repaired until three months later. This was worse than childbirth. I required nine more months of recovery due to infections, etc. This was 15 years ago, and I've never been the same. It triggered a domino effect in my body."
18. "No one is bringing up shoes. Men's worst-case scenario with shoes is no support, or a little tight or narrow. Women's shoes can utterly destroy your ankles, heels, and toes."
19. "The most painful, twichy ass cramps. It feels like I sat on a sharp nail. Discharge that can stain and bleach your underwear."
20. "If you have a baby and are breastfeeding, your nipples will leak breast milk if you hear another baby (not yours) crying."
21. "Farts rolling up the front and having to be refarted."
22. "Period poops."
23. "The occasional GUSHING that feels like Niagara Falls when you stand up from a long sit, or laugh or sneeze while on your period, quickly followed by abject terror hoping that nothing got to your clothing."
24. "Sometimes you can shed the lining of your uterus in one piece, and it will slither out of your all at once and in one piece 💖💝💖."
25. "My asshole turned inside out when I gave birth."
26. "How often safety is running in the background of our minds. Like, it's not always loud, but it's there. Texting a friend when you get home. Sharing your live location without even thinking twice."
27. "Simply existing in a world where the other half of the population is chomping at the bit to 'put women in their place.' How close you are every election to losing your status as a human being, how close you are to losing your job, education, and bank account simply because of the body you're born into."
28. "The absolute cluster of information you have to remember about your kids, family, strangers, etc., and the social pressures of dressing correctly for the occasion. The exhaustion of fighting medical professionals to not just dismiss you completely for having 'anxiety' when you have real pain."
29. "(Young) men having all this manosphere bullshit, 'Boohoo women don't like us, women = bad,' while (young) women are experiencing exactly the same problems, and being ignored and treated like trash."
30. "The levels to which we can still function while sick, tired, hurting, etc. Yes, I'm exhausted, but dinner still needs to be cooked. Yes, I have a terrible migraine, but I can't just ignore the kids. Yes, I'm having awful cramps, but if I don't go to work, I can't pay the bills. I know so many men who will just check out. 'I'm sick. I need to decompress. I worked hard all day. I'm so tired.' And they will lie down and take a nap or veg on their phone and just pretend those things don't need to be done. Man flu is so mind-blowing to me. Like, what do you mean you 'can't'? 'Can't' isn't an option for me. I have to continue to meet my responsibilities."
31. And: "When you are a young woman, people don't listen to your opinions because you’re naive, but as you get older, they don't listen because you're cranky/bitter/jaded. Then you will understand that no one ever intended to listen."
What are some other facets of the "female experience" that may really horrify or mystify cis men? Tell us in the comments or share anonymously using this form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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