"My coworker couldn’t grasp the concept of two people having the same first name. She was convinced we were the same person."
"I just stopped fighting altogether — if I’m not fighting for you or with you, it’s already over."
"I got very clear and got very comfortable with being by myself."
"The father of the groom gave a speech, and every time he referred to the bride, he accidentally used his son’s ex-wife’s name."
"'Cause it's 3 a.m. and I'm calling everybody that I know..."
"My knife is sharp, my technique is correct, but my hands are Play-Doh."
"A lot of people think the police covered the entire thing up."
Babe, what's wrong? You've barely touched your Bigfoot Pizza.
If you need me, I'll be hiding under the covers forever.
"I once worked with a guy in his 50s with a PhD in biology who had no idea how to make coffee. He really had no concept of how coffee was made."
"My dad went from 'the government is bloated' to 'they are not concerned about how this is going to hurt all American people.'"
"A lot of people think the police covered the entire thing up."
"My friend once asked someone how long they have been Dutch."
"We were spending $1000 a month minimum on takeout alone."
"The father of the groom gave a speech, and every time he referred to the bride, he accidentally used his son’s ex-wife’s name."
"People think I’m some kind of tech genius, but 95% of the time I'm just more patient than they are."
I just have a lot of feelings.
"Most food doesn't start out being hazardous, but it can all become hazardous if not handled correctly."
Joe Locke got scabs on his chin from kissing Kit Connor so much on Heartstopper.