A while back, we wrote about "former side chicks" who shared the painfully petty, heartbreaking, and jaw-on-the-floor shocking reasons for getting with married people. Then, some readers even shared their own W I L D stories with us too. Here are the best ones:
1. "It was my boyfriend's best friend. We had a deep bond. He came from a broken family, and I was there for him. At the time, I had no intentions of leaving my boyfriend of four years. The friend met a sweet girl and dated her for three years. While we were both with our partners, we would continue to spend time together and have sex. The part I felt guilty about was that we would often double-date, and his girlfriend would confide in me about the relationship. I justified my guilt for doing this to her by telling myself I was with him before her. Also, I had heard rumors that my boyfriend had cheated on me before this scenario. Eventually, both of our partners found out, and we all broke up. Last I heard, our exes hooked up right after to get back at us. I swore I would never be involved in a mess like that. I'm now happily married, and I have no idea what happened to them."
—Anonymous, Syracuse, NY
2. "I was sleeping with a guy from work for a long time. In fact, before he met his girlfriend, and after, we just kept hooking up. I know there were other side pieces besides me because he is a genuine sex addict and an asshole, but I was recovering from a horrible breakup and abusing alcohol at the time. It felt awesome. Of course, everyone at work found out, and my true friends remained my friends. A lot of people looked at both of us differently and harassed us at work. It was very difficult, but I thrive, knowing that I am now married to my soulmate, who would never cheat or do anything the way this guy did. I definitely know what I did was wrong, but I’ve learned to forgive myself."
—Anonymous, 32, female, Florida
3. "A guy I went to eighth grade with called me out of the blue. I hadn’t seen or talked to him in over 50 years, so we talked for a while. Since he was coming to Florida, I met with him. I knew he was married, but I did it anyway. He never did leave his wife, but that’s OK. I didn’t want him to. It was fun, lasted about a year and a half, and then I told him I didn’t wanna see him anymore because I was feeling guilty. I told him I closed the door. It was a mistake."
—Anonymous, 70, female, Florida
4. "I had a near-death experience. After a year, I decided to get divorced and wanted to be free. Eventually, I met a married, wealthy man who piqued my interest. I had an affair with him for over five years. I still dated others, but loved the thrill. This cycle repeated throughout my lifetime, and now I have just settled down to one man, but don’t count on getting married."
—Anonymous
5. "We were both married to other people. We worked together, and I didn’t know he was married at first. My relationship was in trouble, and I admittedly didn't do a good job of trying to fix it. It was exciting at first, but we quickly fell in love. He couldn’t leave his abusive wife, who also had early symptoms of dementia, because his children said they would never let him see his grandchildren if he left his wife, as he tried to do twice. His theory was that they did not want to have to care for their mother. I separated from my husband and eventually divorced. The affair lasted for nearly 30 years. He died during the COVID pandemic, and I’m still heartbroken. He suddenly seemed to ghost me, and I only learned he had died when I discovered his obituary. It has been hard for me to move on with no closure. He essentially just disappeared."
—Anonymous, 67, female, San Francisco Bay Area
6. "We were really good friends for like three years, during which I was the side chick, and he was the side guy. We fell in love. His girl was cheating; she left. No hard feelings. I was unhappy in my relationship long before we started cheating; I just couldn’t see a way out. My side guy gave me the out. We’ve been married 23 years, and he is amazing. No regrets."
—Anonymous, 50, female, California
7. "I’m a happily married woman, but I’m also a companion to another man. The other man is married to someone else who acts more like a roommate than a wife. So I make sure this man has someone to video chat with at least once or twice a week, and I occasionally take trips to visit him. He pays for everything, and I also get perks like new clothes and the chance to visit my hometown 'cause he still lives there. I don’t get all the drama of being his girlfriend, but I do get all the happiness he has to offer, and in turn, I give him the same. You might not agree with this, but it is ideal for us, and it works. Don’t knock until you try it."
—Anonymous, 45, female, Canada
8. "I had no idea I was the other girl. I bumped into an old high school fling one night out…one thing led to another, and we ended up spending the night together. The next morning, he answered a call from his girlfriend, who we also went to high school with…I asked him if they were still together, and he just shrugged his shoulders."
—Anonymous, 31, female, Michigan
9. "I’ve been a side dude more times than I care to admit, starting my last semester in high school. I had a real bad breakup with my girlfriend at the time and was heartbroken. I had the genius idea of making sure I was never hurt that bad again, and proceeded to keep people at arm's length. I was friends with a girl whose boyfriend was convinced she was cheating on him with me. He never confronted me, but would constantly take it out on her. It got to the point where she finally decided she might as well do it since she kept getting accused. So, we would hook up every once in a while; once, we even included two of her female friends. From then on, those kinds of ‘relationships’ kept finding me for a few years."
"I rationalized it, of course, thinking that if it wasn’t me, they’d just cheat with someone else. It occasionally got messy when feelings came into play. Don’t ever be foolish enough to think you can maintain such an arrangement for a prolonged period without someone catching feelings — that’s not reasonable! Anyway, that whole period lasted a good four years or so, and I got tired of keeping any kind of real connection at bay. Eventually, I wised up and was lucky enough to find someone who didn’t hold that kind of past behavior against me. "
—Anonymous, 49, male, California
10. "I was the side dude twice in a row with girls I was chasing during college. I knew they had boyfriends but didn’t care — I thought I was better than them and fully expected I’d be the 'new' boyfriend. This was also very early in my sexual journey, so I was incredibly naive. The first I spent a year flirting with after we both felt a spark together. We went on several dates and had sex a few times. The boyfriend was definitely onto me, but nothing came from him."
"The second actually initiated with me — completely out of the blue — when her boyfriend LEFT HER DORM TO PICK UP A PIZZA DELIVERY. She grabbed me and made out with me passionately before he came back. A week or so later, she jumped my bones during a study session (again, completely out of the blue) and we had some of the most intense sex of my life up to that point. We hooked up a few more times after that.
In both cases, I ended up getting my heart broken. Neither was looking to dump their current beaus for me. I was just a release for them. It messed me up for a long time, but I can now look back at those experiences with some fondness, as they were fun and exciting in the moment."
—Anonymous, 39, male, Connecticut
11. "In a way, I guess I was the 'side guy'. Once my future wife and I got serious about our future life (which didn’t take long — she was lovely, intelligent, vivacious, and passionate), she broke up with the three other guys she had been seeing. The married guy went home to his wife, the alcoholic probably hit the bottle, and 'Just Bill' (not his real name) called me and talked to me for 15 minutes nonstop about what a great girl I was getting. We were married for over 20 years without a hint of any infidelity, until death did us part. Rest, Beloved."
—Anonymous, 60+, Delaware
12. "I was having marital problems and just let things slide to save my kids from divorce. I went over to help a friend with some home issues, and the wife confided in me that they were on rocky ground. When people are depressed, they just want someone to listen. On the way out, she apologized and gave me a quick hug for listening, which turned into a full sexual encounter; it was so intense, knowing this was forbidden. She was always so fit and always dressed in loose clothes, hiding her body. We continued sneaking around for many years until they moved away."
—Anonymous
13. "We met at a black light dance party. He was the DJ, and I ended up dancing on the stage right next to him all night. After the party, we exchanged numbers and went our separate ways, and by the time I had gotten home, I had a message from him. We started a whirlwind situationship immediately, he was kind, caring, handsome and he was a freaking DJ and since I was just about to turn 18 I thought that was the coolest thing ever. We had a romantic Valentine's night together, we went on a weekend-long trip for my 18th birthday, he wasn't shy about bringing me around his friends, and we were always talking about what our futures were going to look like, especially since I was about to graduate high school and he was only a couple of years older than me. I thought for sure he was going to ask me to be official and that I was just starting the rest of my life with him."
"Just a few weeks before graduation, I got a message from a friend of a friend asking me if I was seeing this guy, and I replied back honestly that, yes, I was seeing him, and I had fallen in love with him. The friend of a friend shared that she had also been seeing him for months longer than me, and that she was also in love with him.
The hurt that I felt was indescribable and I immediately confronted him, he didn't deny anything but he convinced me that he cared more for me than he did for her and I stupidly went back to him. No one will be shocked to learn that the friend of a friend messaged me nonstop about their escapades for a couple of weeks after that first confrontation. Every time she would message me, I would blow up at him, and he would convince me to stay. Right before graduation, the friend of a friend messaged me one last time to tell me all about her night with him, and that's when I officially decided I was done.
That same night, while I was lying in bed crying about that stupid boy, I got a message from my best friend wanting to set me up with someone, and that someone has been my husband for the last ten years."
—Anonymous, 30, female, USA
14. "I dated her briefly in high school before we broke up, and she ended up moving away. We would talk periodically every few weeks or months until she got married and stopped contacting me. A few years later, one day, out of the blue, she messaged me that her marriage wasn't working out, she was pretty sure he was having an affair, and she was positive they were heading for a divorce. Just a few hours later, she was sending me nudes and telling me she wished it had been me instead.
"We continued like that for months, exchanging nudes and dirty messages until he moved out and they filed for divorce, and she was asking me when we could finally meet up with each other since we lived thousands of miles apart. We made a plan for her to come see me, but just a couple of days before she was to come down, I got cold feet and told her that I actually had a lot going on and that she should cancel her trip. She was upset, but she understood, and we still kept exchanging pictures and messages.
A few short months later, the tone of her messages started to change; she grew colder and distant, and eventually she stopped responding to my messages altogether. I noticed on her socials that she was posting pictures with her ex-husband. I confronted her, and she admitted that they were getting back together, his affair had ended, and they were going to work on it for the kids. I still tried to keep in contact with her, but she kept ignoring my messages. I eventually gave up, until a few years later, when a buddy and I were looking at stories on Snapchat, and her picture came up. We both messaged her. She left him on read but immediately responded to my message.
We spent the next few days catching up, her and her ex husband were doing well but I missed her, in my mind she was the one that got away so I decided to pursue her and eventually she caved. We started exchanging nudes and dirty messages again, she said she felt like we were teenagers again, and I was trying to convince her to move in with me. I didn't want to lose her again, but she was scared to jeopardize her life that she had just worked so hard to get back on track. Eventually I wore her down but I unknowingly wore myself down too, once she finally agreed to move, I didn't want her to anymore. I figured if it would be this hard to convince her to be with me, everything else with her would be 10X harder, plus, I didn't really want to be a stepparent to her kids anyway. I ended up ghosting her the same way she originally ghosted me. Eventually, she gave up trying to get a hold of me, and she blocked me everywhere. I haven't seen or heard from her since."
—Anonymous, 34, male, California
15. "I was 19, he was 39, and my manager. Now that I have grown up and see things from an outside perspective, I feel completely disgusted by the whole situation, and I feel very bad for her, 'cause she never knew. I believe they got married in the end."
16. "I didn't know for two years. When I confronted him about making plans on FB to move in with another chick and accused him of having another woman, he told me that technically I was the other woman, but she was willing to let me move in with them. We broke up, and he moved in with her a few months later."
"A year after we broke up, he called me complaining that she wasn't financially responsible and wasn't able to run a house as well as me. He asked me to move to Florida with him. I laughed at him and said he should have thought about that before telling me I was the other woman."
17. "I had just started a new job, and after a few months, I ended up completely falling for my married boss. I knew it was wrong and tried to keep my distance, but we had a bunch of business trips together, which resulted in a lot of 1:1 time. Mentally, I was in a really dark place. I had a string of dates that didn’t go anywhere, where I felt rejected and used, gained 40lbs, and my self-esteem plummeted. Meanwhile, I had this super-attractive, successful guy at work lifting me up, telling me I’m smart and beautiful, and that any guy who isn’t into me is an idiot. Anytime I was with him, I would finally feel alive again and feel like we just had magnetic chemistry. He also admitted to feeling the same way towards me."
"We tried not to do anything, but after a year of tension, we finally ended up hooking up. I knew he was married, and I knew it was wrong. I never met the wife, but I thought she must be a much better person than I was. My colleagues had met her, and I knew she was beautiful, fit, and seemed really kind. I was at such a low point in my life that I would take the scraps just to be with him. It was a tumultuous relationship, and I tried to end it many times, but because we literally worked together in a tiny office and I still had intense feelings for him, it would start back up. I tried dating other people to take my mind off things, but I couldn’t because I was so in love with him. I felt trapped and would frequently cry in the office bathroom, knowing I needed to get out somehow.
I ended up breaking it off with him, resigning and taking a $70k pay cut just to get myself out of the situation ASAP. Then COVID hit, and the new company scaled back its operations. Because I was a new employee, I was laid off. I then spent the next year in a super deep depression, but eventually managed to get myself out of it.
So, I honestly didn’t set out to have a relationship with a married man; I just kind of fell into it over time and made a series of poor decisions. The wife ended up finding out after I had already resigned, and I know she is the main victim here, and I feel terrible that I hurt someone innocent.
I have since landed back on my feet, gotten a new job, lost all the weight I gained, and am feeling far more confident in myself. Obviously, I stay far away from married men, and if the situation had happened now, rather than at such a low point in my life, I would like to think I would make better decisions."
Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
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