I’m newly single and have been rinsing my reformer membership. Should I go for a Love Island-style thong bikini to show off the fruits of all that heavy spring tension?
Welcome back, Newly Single. You are among friends here.
Although I am, I confess, embarrassingly unfamiliar with Love Island, asking this particular Vogue editor whether it’s prudent to wear a thong bikini is like asking a barber if you need a haircut.
I own (and adore) Gucci’s eyebrow-raising logo G-string swimwear. It’s neatly stowed in the EasyJet overhead locker as I type. (I’m writing to you from the evening flight to Ibiza.) Strangely enough, I, too, have been on a reformer Pilates binge lately, while protecting my peace.
During the past year, I’ve written at length about the return of buttock-baring fashion – which is perhaps something I should take up with my therapist when I finally get around to allocating a portion of my “sofa fund” to therapy, instead of seeking solace in Reels of tarot readers, which mysteriously cut off before the (likely AI) clairvoyant gets down to specifics.
Anyway, I am personally rather taken by the prospect that the lesser-seen cleavage is poised to hit the fashion mainstream. Feeling cautious? Hey, I get it. But what if the low-rise jeans your favourite pop stars are wearing this summer (Jennie, Olivia Rodrigo and Haim shop their vintage silhouettes at Bluey Denim, by the way) were your entrée to embracing the cheekier side of life?
The bottom line (you’ve got this far, you might as well continue) is: Pilates or no Pilates, wearing a thong bikini is an act of self-love.
Evidently, I’ve protected my peace too much this past month because I was about to type something which sounds like a £5 Etsy screen print that comes with a ‘free’ papier-mâché frame, while savouring the on-board Mediterranean Snack Box. I’ll refrain.
Listen, don’t overthink it. Look to Brazilian label, ViX, which stocks the world’s most well-cut flesh-baring swimwear IMO (here’s one of my favourite styles). And, seeing as life isn’t a rehearsal (too Etsy?), you might as well add the Gucci logo G-string to your cart while it’s still in stock. Just mind the hardware in the sun; you don’t want to accidentally fry your coccyx.
Should you feel yourself losing your nerve poolside, I want you to remember that, at the very least, you’re [potentially] reducing your carbon footprint by packing light — and you deserve every moment of the blissfully untethered August that awaits. Just promise me you’ll wear sunscreen.
