Men Are Spilling The Confessions They Wish They Could Share With Women, But Never Really Do — And Women Are Responding

"The silly things I like mean a lot to me. If you let me be vulnerable with small joys, I will be vulnerable with bigger things."

Jake Farrington
by Jake FarringtonBuzzFeed Contributor

There is a stereotype about men that enforces this idea that it's not ok for them to open up about their feelings, and sometimes, the stereotype wins. But wouldn't things be better if we all just openly communicated with each other? Especially with our romantic partners?

Author's note: I'm a gay man(?) who leans more gender-queer, so I don't really have much skin in this game, lol. I am simply a vessel for information, but I root for you, straight people, and want everyone to feel happy, seen, and loved.💖

Recently, a Reddit user with the screen name a_great_guy655 asked, "What is something men always want to tell women but never do?" It was really interesting to read these confessions and see real-time feedback from women in the comments. I'm curious what y'all think! Here's what these guys had to say:

1. "That I wanna be the little spoon."

A couple cuddles in bed, with one partner smiling at the camera while the other rests their head affectionately on their partner's shoulder
Cavan Images / Getty Images

—u/Brief-Cartoonist-699

"I started being the big spoon because my hair kept smothering/strangling my BF, but now I really love it."

—u/werewere-kokako

2. "Sometimes when you tell me about something that happened at work, I actually think that you’re in the wrong."

A man attentively listens to a woman gesturing during a conversation, indicating an intimate or serious discussion
Skynesher / Getty Images

—u/Light_Yagamigo

"Relationship therapy suggests being on your partner's side in the moment. You should bring it up again if your partner isn't emotionally charged, and you have the capacity to have the conversation. I really appreciate my partner encouraging opportunities for growth."

—u/Unhappy_Ad_1511

3. "That’s enough perfume."

Man in a button-up shirt pinching his nose in discomfort, possibly due to an unpleasant smell, in a modern room setting
Andreypopov / Getty Images

—u/10dot10dot10dot10

"Say it. As a woman, I’m begging you, for the love of god, please say it."

—u/StrangerAcrobatic697

4. "She always told me to tell her if she ever sounded like her mother. That’s never going to happen. The telling her part."

A person in a turtleneck listens intently to another in a thoughtful interaction
Westend61 / Getty Images

—u/GettingToo

"I’ve done that twice in 24 years of marriage. One time, my wife took a breath and said, 'Honey, thank you,' and calmed down. The second time, she completely lost her shit."

—u/mejok

5. "When I see an outfit that I think is pretty cool, or an awesome hairstyle, I want to compliment them, but I don’t want to come off like I am flirting. I am happily married, and don’t want people to think that I am being flirtatious with someone that isn’t my wife."

Person with short curly hair looks contemplative in a bustling street setting
Klaus Vedfelt / Getty Images

—u/NiceTuBeNice

"It's appropriate to compliment people on things they do on purpose; it's the compliments on things about their body, etc., that can make it weird."

—u/Ladyharpie

6. "YOU CAN CHOOSE WHEREVER YOU WANT TO EAT. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO CHOOSE, WE CAN EAT WHEREVER I WANT TO EAT. YOU CAN'T CHOOSE TO DO NEITHER OF THESE."

A thoughtful couple sits close together; the woman appears contemplative while the man looks ahead, both reflecting a serious conversation
Photoalto / Getty Images

—u/sonofaresiii

"IT'S NOT THAT EASY, OKAY?'

—u/idkfckwhatever

7. "The silly things I like mean a lot to me. That T-shirt with the dumb fucking print? I really like it. If you let me be vulnerable with small joys, I will be vulnerable with bigger things. There was a video of this guy with a spool of wire, showing how emotional he was when it ran out. He's had it since forever. I think his wife missed that it was a vulnerable moment, because to her it's just wire. We often really, really care about our hobbies because we escaped into them growing up. We might be attached to different objects, but to us they mean things."

Man in plaid shirt smiling while hammering a nail into wood, surrounded by wooden planks
Karlosvbrito7 / Getty Images

—u/rememberthemalls

"As a woman, I am guilty of judging men’s hobbies as juvenile or attention-seeking, but I think men are just as emotional as women and seem to put that energy into little things we may not realize."

—u/Latter-Armadillo-587

8. "Are we bitchin' or fixin'?"

Two people in a lively conversation indoors, both wearing casual white shirts
Itakayuki / Getty Images

—u/Ill-Rise5325

"Even as a woman, I say to my female friends who are venting, 'Are we listening or are we problem solving?' It can actually make such a difference."

—u/BarefootandWild

9. "I want to ask for more compliments. I genuinely teared up when a gay man (very respectfully) hit on me. He complimented my jacket and shoes, and my color coordination. He very quickly realized I wasn’t gay, and the conversation turned to sports rather quickly. But I always think about that day."

A man in a white tee shirt gestures apologetically towards a woman in a lace top who looks away, appearing upset
Anetlanda / Getty Images

—u/Testicle_Eater_Tommy

"The last time I complimented a man, he waited in the parking lot for me to get out of work. I see this sentiment a lot from men, and I wish they would understand there’s a reason for that. If women feel safe, we’ll ALL have more access to community. They’ll compliment you more."

—u/Lazy-Introduction194

10. "That we want you to help us assemble our LEGO Millennium Falcon."

Person wearing headphones, engaged and expressive, builds with colorful blocks at a desk, while being recorded, in a casual home office setting
Master1305 / Getty Images

—u/robotlasagna

"Some of us would love that, or building our own next to you!"

—u/Persephonic8

11. "I love to cuddle without it turning sexual. My ex didn’t want to without it leading to sex, and then she still wouldn’t cuddle afterwards. All I wanted was to embrace her, holding hands while resting her head on my chest and sharing my warmth. One time I did that, but she pushed me away when I kissed her forehead."

An elderly couple lovingly cuddles in bed, facing each other with gentle smiles, conveying warmth and intimacy
Jacob Wackerhausen / Getty Images

—u/SandBasket

"I think many women would be thrilled to hear that, myself included."

—u/scrummyplummy

12. "I had a friend with really bad breath who always complained about being single. I don't think anyone had it in them to tell her."

Two people having an intimate conversation at a café. One person is listening intently
Filadendron / Getty Images

—u/dijonriley

"Please tell her. I had a health issue for years that caused this until someone told me, and I got it sorted within a few months. I was grateful for it."

—u/Zaxa7

13. "We are not as strong as we pretend to be."

Man in black shirt rubs eyes in front of gray background, conveying emotion or fatigue
Mheim3011 / Getty Images

—u/hidden_name

"My wife has mental and medical issues (not a dig), so I always act strong for her and support her. She still guilt-trips me every time I go camping or hunting by myself. I don't think she understands how much of a relief it is for me to be alone sometimes and not have to keep the act up."

—u/NakijaTotuuden

14. "The NFL expansion draft rules screwed Cleveland in 1999, and no one seems to care."

Man in plaid shirt watching sports on TV, sitting on a couch by a table with beer and popcorn, near a festively decorated Christmas tree
Dobrila Vignjevic / Getty Images

—u/weaponize09

15. "We sometimes feel totally clueless about how you think or feel. We want to get it right, but we rarely admit when we’re feeling lost because we don’t want to seem weak or dumb. And a lot of guys secretly want to hear you say you trust us. It’s weird how simple some of these things are, yet we bottle them up."

Person shrugging with hands up, wearing a casual hoodie and glasses, standing outside on a street
Daniel Llao Calvet / Getty Images

—u/Amduscias

"I’m such a direct person that this always bothers me so much about men, lol. I’m always confused about what is confusing. Just say something or ask a question. Girls love questions and introspection, but don’t be pushy."

—u/TarzanGurl26

16. "We actually love gentleness and tenderness. Also, we need peace in our lives."

Couple embracing affectionately on a sofa, expressing love and comfort
Momo Productions / Getty Images

—u/__startingover__

"We like being that way, too! It’s nice when a relationship is a place where we can both let our guards down. We love men who treat us in a way that allows us to be gentle and tender. :)"

—u/el-unicornio

17. "Honestly, sometimes in the gym, some of you gals are hella strong. I wanna compliment, but I'm worried it’ll come off creepy. Like, I have the love of my life already, but I don’t want it to come off weird."

Man in tank top and shorts, smiling and posing against a wall with red and blue panels. Casual and relaxed atmosphere
Jose Luis Raota / Getty Images

—u/Anonymous-967

"A man came up to me in the gym a month or so ago and asked me, 'Are you a gymnast or something?' I said no, and he said, 'You’re really fucking strong.' Then he shook his head and said it again, and kind of just walked away? It was perfect and made my day."

—u/wakeupblueberry

18. "Sex is good and necessary, but I want to be loved."

An older couple embraces warmly on a bed, looking into each other's eyes with affection and happiness
Kraig Scarbinsky / Getty Images

—u/Big_Acanthisitta3659

19. "Sometimes we like to be wined and dined too! Maybe not at fancy restaurants, but we like to be appreciated."

A couple smiling and chatting at an outdoor cafe, each holding drinks, suggesting a relaxed and happy atmosphere
Drs Producoes / Getty Images

—u/collisl83

"I bought my ex Qdoba and seduced him on his lunch break. 💅"

—u/honestlykindofmagic

20. And finally, "We love you in all your forms. Tall and short, slim and full-figured, bright and modest, funny and serious, beautiful and unique, graceful and clumsy, dressed and naked, close to us and barely known, independent and shy, smart and simple, loud and quiet — all of you. We often find it difficult to express our love without sounding rude or inappropriate. But we love you. You are the most important part of our lives."

Group of five friends smiling and embracing outside, embodying friendship and joy
Drs Producoes / Getty Images

—u/SamoMinute

"This made me tear up. 🥺 Thank you."

—u/Hecate777

Men, are there any other things you wish you could say to women but feel like you can't? Ladies, did you have a response while reading these confessions? Or wish there was something men would say, but don't? Tell me in the comments, or use the anonymous form below. Your response may be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed article!

Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.

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