4 min readThey say it’s a hit dog that howls. It’s also a hit political party that whines. And over the past few days, Republican whining has been loud enough to deafen dogs on Neptune.
On Sunday, Senator Jon Ossoff (D-Georgia) addressed a campaign rally in Atlanta. He is campaigning against a MAGA finger puppet named Mike Collins, last seen calling for the impeachment of President Biden for something, something, OMIGOD, LAPTOP! Anyway, in the course of his campaign, Ossoff has been relentless in his criticism of the administration for the purpose of hanging El Caudillo del Mar-a-Lago around his opponent’s neck like a dead raccoon. (Stand down, Secretary Kennedy.) Ossoff said:
While the sailors on the Lincoln fight his war, while he fruitlessly drains our munitions and oil reserves, the president sleeps through his meetings. He golfs and trades stocks. See, he doesn’t want to do the job. He wants to build his ballroom and travel with Natalie on their apparently defenseless flying palace gifted by the Emir of Qatar.
“Natalie,” as the entire gossipy world knows by now, is one Natalie Harp, a White House aide whose function in the government is as ill-defined and unfocused as her relationship with her boss is. She seems to be tasked with combing the Intertoobz for favorable reviews of the president’s performance that she can use to feed his ego. (Hey, it’s a gig, right?) Her Most Favored Aide status was confirmed when it was Harp, and not Karoline Leavitt or Marco Rubio, who was asked to share the beverage cart that covertly transferred the president from one plane to another. It is important to remember here that Ossoff did nothing but mention Harp’s name because, whooooo doggies, did the word go out swiftly to all the flying-monkey escadrilles all over the country. A sampling, from the social mediaz:
Ari Fleischer, former spokesman for George W. Bush:
I never really knew what to think about Ossoff. He seemed a backbencher who played it safe. Now I see he’s a bottom feeder. Who does this and holds their head high? Who accuses women of behaving like that because he doesn’t like their boss. This guy should be ashamed.
Someone named David Ingle:
Jon Ossoff is a cringeworthy, feminine theatre kid cosplaying as Barack Obama. Nobody gives a shit what this lightweight loser says.
Michael Knowles:
Every time I see a woman at work, I just know she’s sleeping with her boss! Am I right? Anyway, am I the new Obama yet?
Andrew Pollack:
It’s disgusting. Ossoff is attacking a young woman who works for the President. Going after staff is a new low, even for him. Keep the aides out of it, you pathetic hack.
Laura Ingraham, onetime darling of ambitious men:
Beneath that pancake bronzer and rouge, we have an ambitious man. That’s the most dangerous type of politician out there.
Mike Collins, Republican Senate candidate:
Jon Ossoff reduces to sleazy personal attacks and intimidation because he has no record, no results, and no spine. He’s more interested in political theater and going viral on social media, so he doesn’t have to talk about how he will raise your taxes, open the border, and sell us out to his New York donors. We’re taking Georgia back from this disaster.
Marc Thiessen, torture-porn enthusiast:
Hey, Ossoff, what a gross misogynistic thing to say. You ow [sic] this young woman an apology.
Hugh Hewitt, goon:
Yes, Ossoff should apologize and he should get beaten in November. He’s a ridiculous caricature of a senator and far too left wing for Georgia. And a mean-spirited jerk who traffics in slander as well.
Steven Cheung, White House communications director:
Jon Jackoff has to be the biggest cuck loser in politics. Instead of denigrating hard working people serving their country, Jon should look deep into his soul and ask himself why he’s a miserable person who hates this country. It’s because he’s a radical, extremist Dumocrat.
Donald Trump, president of the United States:
You mean Pee-Wee Herman
And, finally, there was this.
Newt Gingrich, former leader (perhaps) of the civilizing forces:
Jon Ossoff owes Natalie Harp a personal apology for having smeared her. If a conservative Republican had attacked a liberal Democrat working professional woman the way Ossoff smeared Natalie Harp there would be cries to kick them off the ticket and reject this kind of misogynistic language diminishing and smearing someone who is simply doing their job. But then Ossoff routinely lies as the Jewish leaders in Atlanta pointed out recently and we should accept that he is a profoundly dishonest politician with no sense of honor.
Okay, I thought that human mud pie Cheung was the limit on this. After all, every one of these people is doing so in defense of a multi-married, adjudicated sex criminal and frequently mentioned player in the Epstein files. But Newt Fcking Gingrich? I’m sorry, but that’s all I can stands, and I can’t stands no more.
Leave aside his own baroque romantic history—Newt lost his speakership, and his political viability, for chasing Bill Clinton’s penis all over the Beltway while fighting his own Comely Aide problem—and just remember that this clown now posing as the avatar of political civility once put together a catechism of pejoratives for GOP candidates to use during their campaigns:
Often we search hard for words to define our opponents. Sometimes we are hesitant to use contrast. Remember that creating a difference helps you. These are powerful words that can create a clear and easily understood contrast. Apply these to the opponent, their record, proposals and their party.
Decay, failure (fail) collapse(ing) deeper, crisis, urgent(cy), destructive, destroy, sick, pathetic, lie, liberal, they/them, unionized bureaucracy, “compassion” is not enough, betray, consequences, limit(s), shallow, traitors, sensationalists, endanger, coercion, hypocricy, radical, threaten, devour, waste, corruption, incompetent, permissive attitude, destructive, impose, self-serving, greed, ideological, insecure, anti-(issue): flag, family, child, jobs; pessimistic, excuses, intolerant, stagnation, welfare, corrupt, selfish, insensitive, status quo, mandate(s) taxes, spend (ing) shame, disgrace, punish (poor...) bizarre, cynicism, cheat, steal, abuse of power, machine, bosses, obsolete, criminal rights, red tape, patronage.
Yeah, they can all take a knee now.
