Body Language
Body language is a silent symphony, played by people whose face, posture, and more offer clues to what they’re thinking and feeling, often even if they would prefer not to. The non-verbal messages that make up body language encompass body movements, facial expressions, and vocal tone and volume, among other signals.
Microexpressions (brief displays of emotion on the face), hand gestures, and posture register in the human brain almost immediately—even when a person receiving the signal is not consciously aware that they have perceived anything. In this way, body language can strongly color how an individual is perceived, and how he or she, in turn, interprets others’ motivation, mood, and openness. It's also natural for people to mirror others, something humans do as early as infancy when newborns move their bodies to the rhythm of the voices they hear.
How to Read People
Body language is a vital form of communication, even though most of it happens below the level of conscious awareness. When you wait for a date to arrive, for instance, you may nervously tap your foot without realizing you’re doing it. Similarly, when you show up to meet your date, you may not consciously perceive that they appear closed-off, but your unconscious mind may pick up on their crossed arms or averted gaze. With knowledge and a little practice, though, it is possible to exert some measure of control over your own body language—and become more skilled at reading others.
The face is the first place to look. Arching eyebrows might indicate an invitation of sorts, and smiling is typically an indication that the other person welcomes you. And is the other person standing or sitting close to you? If so, then there may be interest in you—and open arms mean just that: openness.
If a person repeatedly touches your arm, places a light hand on your shoulder, or bumps elbows with you, the person is likely attracted to you and is demonstrating this with increased touch. People interested in each other smile more, and their mouths may be slightly open. Engaging in eye contact is another indication of interest, as is leaning toward you or mirroring your own body language.
We learn through imitating others, mostly through unconscious action. Mirroring another person’s gestures and mannerisms, therefore, is a common form of body language and is widely recognized as a method of building rapport with others. Mirroring can also include mimicking another person’s speech patterns.
When you want to persuade or influence another person, mirroring can be an effective element of a strategy to build rapport. Salespeople who use this technique with prospective clients pay close attention to them, listening, observing, and mimicking, often with positive results.
People who are attracted to one another indeed tend to copy each other’s movements and mannerisms. Many animals appear to mirror as well. This may be why cats circle each other and why chimpanzees stare at each other before intercourse.
If you tilt your head while looking at a baby, the baby relaxes. The same applies to couples who are in love. Why is this? Tilting the head exposes the neck, perhaps signaling vulnerability. The person with a tilted head is perceived as more interested, attentive, and caring—and has less of an agenda.
Eye blocking, or covering your eyes, expresses emotions such as frustration and worry. Sometimes our eyelids shut to show determination, while in other moments they flutter to show that we have screwed up and feel embarrassed.
When you’re stressed out, touching or stroking the neck can be a pacifying behavior. We all rub our necks at the back, the sides, and under the chin. Stroking the fleshy area under the chin in particular has been found to lower our heart rate and calm us.
The hands reveal a lot about a person. When we feel confident, the space between our fingers grows, but that space lessens when we feel insecure. And while rubbing the hands typically signals stress, steepling the fingers reflects confidence.
In many cultures, a light touch on the arm conveys harmony and trust, but cultural differences should temper conclusions based on this signal. In one study, for example, people in the UK, the US, France, and Puerto Rico were observed while sitting at a coffee shop, and the British and Americans hardly touched, while the French and the Puerto Ricans touched freely in togetherness.
To make others feel comfortable while standing, crossing your legs shows that you are comfortable with the other person and interested in what they have to say. It also signals to others: “Take your time.”
Fidgety hands signal anxiousness or even boredom, while keeping your arms akimbo may telegraph arrogance. Crossing the arms and legs is widely recognized as a closed position. Sitting with open arms, on the other hand, invites another person in. If you are seated and want to appear neutral, it’s best to hold your hands on your lap—just like the Queen of England typically did.
Shake hands firmly while making eye contact, but do not squeeze the other person’s hand; your goal is to make them feel comfortable, not to assert dominance. It's also important to be sensitive to cultural norms: If you receive a weak handshake, it may be that the person comes from a culture in which a gentle handshake is the norm.
Reading body language is a skill that can be essential for interpersonal interactions, but people still commonly make errors when trying to determine the moods and motives of others. For example, most people think that crossed arms are a sign of aggression or refusal to cooperate, but sometimes crossed arms can signal other things, including anxiety, self-restraint, or even interest—if the person crossing their arms is mirroring someone doing the same.
For the most part, they do. All primates demonstrate behaviors including the freeze response and various self-soothing behaviors, such as touching the neck or twirling hair. We understand that many non-verbal behaviors are innate because even blind children engage in them. Still, certain behaviors remain mysteries.
In males, wide shoulders and narrow hips are associated with strength and vitality; this is reflected in everything from the form of Greek statues to padded shoulders in men's suit jackets. How one holds one's shoulders, whatever their size, can suggest dominance and relative status within a hierarchy.
Freezing in place, rocking back and forth, and contorting into a fetal position are all known as "reserved behaviors," generally used only when a person experiences extreme stress. Facial expressions alone can signal this state, such as pursing or sucking in the lips, seen when a person is upset or feels contrite.
As social animals, we evolved to display emotions, thoughts, and intentions, all of which are processed by the brain's limbic system. Because these reactions precede and at times even override conscious deliberation, body language is uniquely capable of revealing how a person feels—that is, if another person is schooled in what these gestures indicate.
